A Kiss With A Fist
by Winchester Fan Forever
Summary: Alec ponders why he puts up with Max's abuse.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own it. I'm just borrowing it.

OK, this is my first fic. It's inspired by the song Kiss With a Fist by Florence and the Machine. Please let me know what you think.

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Another day another argument I think as I see you storming into my office headed straight for me, that fiery look in your eyes. _What did I do now, _is all I can think to myself as you slam the door.

We've been in Terminal City for a year now, playing your stupid fake boyfriend game. You have no idea how much it tears me apart to hold you in my arms only to have you tear yourself away the second he's not looking. I haven't touched another woman in so long because the only one I think about is you even though you're not mine, you'll never be mine. I sit at home alone at night with my bottle of Scotch berating myself for letting you use me this way.

Oh, the things I do for you. I took over this place for you. I didn't care that the others needed a leader. What mattered was that you needed me. You asked me to stay and I stayed. If it weren't for you I'd be long gone. I'm so tired of seeing you look at me that way. I wish you could see how much you mean to me, how much I aspire to be the man you expect me to be. That just once, you'd look into my eyes and see me and not the things that I've done in days long past.

I'm brought out of my thoughts as your hand swings around to slap me across the back of the head. "Ow, Max! What the hell was that for?"

"I heard you and the boys snuck out last night to go to some strip club. That was really stupid Alec. You know how dangerous it is out there, especially for you."

I can't help but stare into your eyes for a second in amazement that you actually care. For a moment I think maybe I see it, the concern in your eyes. In truth, I never left last night. The boys asked me to go and I declined but I say, "And what's it to you what I do in my off hours? It's bad enough I've got to keep on pretending I'm your guy in public. Now you expect me to what? Sit at home and knit?"

"You shouldn't be so careless. Terminal City can't afford to lose its CO." Your words sting me to the core. You don't care about me at all. All you care about is your CO getting into trouble.

"Well, not that it's any of your concern, but you heard wrong. Some of the guys did sneak out last night but I wasn't one of 'em."

You stare at me for a moment dumbfounded and at a loss for words and finally say, "Good," slap me once for good measure, and off you go leaving me to ponder the latest assault.

Even when I've done nothing wrong, you're always so quick to punch or kick or slap. I often wonder why you hit me so much, why I never move to stop you, why I never hit you back. It all comes down to that fire in your eyes when you're angry. It takes my breath away. It reminds me of the way I've seen you look at him, the way I wish you'd look at me. That must be why I go to the lengths I do to annoy you. I guess the old song's got it right. A kiss with a fist is better than none.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Still don't own it.

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Max's POV

I arrived at command this morning in a relatively good mood only to have it crushed after overhearing a muffled discussion between Tim and Jake about a little excursion outside last night. As soon as they see me coming their discussion grinds to a halt and they both shout out an awkward, "Hey Max!"

I storm past them and feel my temper rising as I make my way to your office. I ask myself, _why should I care what he does in his free time? It's not like we're in a real relationship._ Still, I can't seem to get out of my head the fact that you put yourself at risk to go out and watch a bunch of women take their clothes off. I'm not jealous, that can't be it. I have no right to be jealous. You're not mine, you'll never be mine. This past year you've made me so proud with the things you've accomplished, the burden you carry on your shoulders. I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line I've started to enjoy the comfort of your arms around me in those moments Logan's around. Still, I pull away when he's gone because I know it's what you expect of me.

The sad look, I could swear it was longing, in your eyes as I enter slamming the door behind me catches me a bit off-guard but I continue to charge forward. I reach up and smack you on the back of the head eliciting an "Ow, Max! What the hell was that for?"

"I heard you and the boys snuck out last night to go to some strip club. That was really stupid Alec. You know how dangerous it is out there, especially for you."

You're staring into my eyes now. It seems almost as though you're searching for something. Just as I'm about to look away you say, "And what's it to you what I do in my off hours? It's bad enough I've got to keep on pretending I'm your guy in public. Now you expect me to what? Sit at home and knit?"

I can't let you see the real reason it upset me that you would risk your life for such a ridiculous reason so I say, "You shouldn't be so careless. Terminal City can't afford to lose its CO."

For a moment I think I see hurt in your eyes but then you smirk and say, "Well, not that it's any of your concern, but you heard wrong. Some of the guys did sneak out last night but I wasn't one of 'em."

I feel so guilty for coming in here and blaming you for something you took no part in that I don't know what to say but I manage to collect myself and grit out "Good," before smacking you once and darting out the door as fast as my legs can carry me.

I don't know why I feel the need to hit you all the time. Sometimes you don't even deserve it when I take a swing at you. If you asked me why, I don't know what I'd say. I'd probably claim it's to keep you in line since you do so many stupid things but deep down I know that's wrong.

OK, so maybe I do know why and I'll never admit it to you or anyone else but sometimes I feel like if I can't touch you, a kiss with a fist is better than none.

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A/N: I'm going to end this one here but I have an inspiration for a chapter story to follow this snippet.


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